So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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