dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
try to milk me bitch
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
