ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
