And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
