She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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