To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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