the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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