we have officially lost it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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