Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
