3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
