I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We just shotgunned beers for America
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
