Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
