okay pat passed out under dana's car
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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