My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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