Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
