whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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