I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
