i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
