His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
