I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
