seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
