I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
