told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
