i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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