White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Blood and glitter go together right?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
