I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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