We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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