just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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