if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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