My brain says no but my pants say off.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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