My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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