Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
