so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
