It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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