I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
