how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
