Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
