i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
