If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
