its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
