You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
