sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
