either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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