i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
