when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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