I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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