i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
