Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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