Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
