every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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