remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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