Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
