I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
