Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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