Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
