my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
